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What is jelq?
Jelq (pronounced Jehlke) is a dance move comprised of spinal movements and movements of the bone in a rhythmitic fashion. It is commonly used by skeletons to mate. It can also be used as a noun, having a similar term to "owned" or "rekt", which are 2 internet terms meaning "you got memed on, nigga" jelq's plurals are as follows: jelq (singular) jelq't (past) jelqing (in action) jelqs (plural/in action)
Noun - "Hey dude, did you hear how Joseph got jelq't in that game of smash Bros we were playing last night?"
Verb - "Maybe if I jelq at her, she'll come over and I can get her number"
jelq - video
Jelq - what is it?
Jack manifold has jelqed exactly 286 time
What does "jelq" mean?
When a chill ass nigga is just hanging around and doing some shid
Look at that bird over there. Nigga out here jelqin'
Jelq - what does it mean?
A really amazing penis stretching exercise that helps with getting you erect
Guy 1: I love jelqing
Guy 2: same
Jelq - meaning
The correct medical slang for exercising one's penis for both enlargement in size and girth. Requires a man to basically jack off for 20 minutes, 3 times a week, while maintaing a non erect penis, and no money shot. Surprisingly it does work, but sadly like all exercise of any muscle it requires hard work, repetition, and daily showers (*wink*).
Tony was your typical asian with a 3 inch penis before Jelqing 3 times a week for 3 months. His results a normal 5 inch penis, Go TONY!
Jelq - definition
The art of creating a longer penis through stroking excercises for months and years. The erect penis is greased and stroked a specific number of times, near orgasm, but rock-busters should be avoided if at all possible. The number of strokings is over 110...then a rest...then another 110. Some men have claimed this gives them a larger penis, but some men have come forward to show the actual results.
The Academy of Jelqing in Chestnut Hills, PA, has classes for very horny men who jelq each other and in many cases (most of them) way over into orgasms, so that the Academy classroom walls are covered with sperm. The Academy also offers classes in 'the techniques of the power-house enema" and other such delights combined with the art of the jelq. Jelqing does create a situation of male-bonding particularily when the therapy gives the penis a release and orgasm to have everyone else in class ducking the flying jizz shots!
"I've been jelqing my cock for so long and it's still a hard 3"...but I keep jelqing because it's fun to do it with my son and his teenage friends"
"Someone yelled OH GOD I JELQED INTO A SPERM-BLASTER"
Jelq - slang
To aggressivley swing one's penis left and right in a rather abrupt manner with the intention of eventually making a man's Member a bit longer
Man A: DUDE!! your cock is huge! How do you do it man?
Man B: Easy, all I do is jelq after i get out of the shower
Jelq
an activity used by guys who want to make their dings into DONGS,by constantly streatching the member in question for a whole year , so they can regain the confidence that his wife or girlfriend have stripped from them, when the guy finally discovered that the "brother" was not really her brother.
Tim: I am starting these "jelq" excercises to make my penis bigger.
Bob: oh! so I guess you finally found out that your wife really does not have a brother, and that guy that hangs around her is her hung lover.
Tim: what the....?
Jelq
To yank your penis until it gets longer
Bitch said my cock was small, so I began to jelq mofucka.
Jelq
An exercise to increase penis size naturally. First a warm rag is use to stimulate blood flow and put the wang into a semi-erect state. Then lubrication is used on the hands and the mumbo jumbo in question. Use a thumb and index finger positioned in an "OK" grip on the base of the schlong. Slide your hand up to the head then take your other hand and grip the base. Release the grip of your first hand and return it to the base to repeat the motion while the second hand is sliding to the head of the penis.
The goal here is to force more blood flow within the cellular walls of the one eyed weasel. The result out of consistent exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, 3 to 5 days a week is a gain in 2+ inches in length and girth from 6 months to over a year. Mostly fails to work due to a lack in effort.
I got carpal tunnel from jelqing and had to go to the hospital. There's a catheter in poofy penis and now the guy who brings me the jell-o is winking at me.