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What is the Matterhorn?
A play to run on girls to get the business.
1st: Have an ability in website design and think of a unique fake name. Have you got yours? Good!
Now when you get to the bar look for a girl with a really nice phone. Approach her with confidence and repeat your fake name often. Now when you leave she will go on her phone and do an internet search of you, where she'll see......
a series of fake websites talking about your many feats in being a billionaire, global balloon trekker, and being told by doctors that penis reduction surgery isn't an option.
give her some time then approach her again and ask if she would like to have coffee.
The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn works!
the Matterhorn - video
The Matterhorn - what is it?
To perform the Lorenzo Von Matterhorn, here's what you'll need: basic knowledge of website design and a very unique fake name. So, think of your fake name right now. Have you got it? Good.
Now, select your target, preferably a girl with a real nice phone.
The dialogue that follows should go something like this.
You: "Yeah. It's me."
Girl: "Do I know you?"
You: "I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn."
Girl: "Are you, like, famous, or something?"
You: "Yes... You really don't know who I am, do you? What a refreshing change of pace. Nice to meet you..."
Girl: "Shelley."
You: "Shelley. Once again, I'm Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. Spelled like it sounds: two t's. Lorenzo. Von Matterhorn. Ciao."
Then, as soon as you're gone, she gets out her phone and does an internet search for Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. And that's when she discovers a series of fake websites, all devoted to the incredible life of Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. There's a fake business article about Lorenzo, the reclusive billionaire. The fake explorers club newsletter describing his balloon trip to the North Pole as a feat of pure daring and imagination. The fake medical journal featuring a heart-breaking story of doctors telling him penis reduction surgery isn't an option. And by the time you get back...
You: "Hi. Shelley, uh, I hate to be forward, but can I buy you a cup of coffee?"
Girl: "Yes! Please."
You: "What does coffee go for these days? Fifty dollars?"
Girl: "Oh, Lorenzo."
And it is on.
Did you see that? Barney totally just pulled off The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn. He's bringing the girl up to his room right now!
What does "the Matterhorn" mean?
Lorenzo Von Matterhorn was born in Switzerland in the spring of 1974. He was placed in a basket and tossed into a river immediately following his birth. After traveling downstream for miles, he was found by a young Milanese woman who raised him, naming his Lorenzo after her father, and Von Matterhorn to reflect his Swiss heritage.
Lorenzo was diagnosed with a condition called phallumegally (bigness of penis) at a young age. He grew up unable to ride a bike or feel comfortable in a locker room or a regular pair of shorts. He has applied for penis reduction surgery many times, but the doctors have said that, sadly, that is not an option.
He is the founder of Von Matterhorn Industries International Unlimited Global Inc., or VMIIUGI, and was once named billionaire of the week by Big Business Journal.
See The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn.
By pretending to be Lorenzo Von Matterhorn, Barney managed to convince a woman to sleep with him.
The Matterhorn - what does it mean?
A dark turd that is so long it curls up above the water and back down like a long rams horn.
Dude your not going to believe the Dark Matterhorn I laid last night!
What? Niiice! You dog! Who was it some european chick you picked up?
No you dolt!! It was a huge horn like turd I laid in the poop pot!
What? No way?! Dude, next time take a picture!!
The Matterhorn - meaning
A large crap that sticks half out of the toilet water. It's tip, reminiscent of the actual Matterhorn piercing through low hanging banner clouds.
Dude, the deuce I dropped on Thanksgiving looked so much like the Matterhorn that I could've swore I saw to Swiss climbers scaling a piece of corn on their way to the summit.
The Matterhorn - definition
1. A saying commonly used after one notices interest from the opposite sex. Must be said in either a whisper or strong masculine voice. Usually followed by a fist bump.
2. Derived from the Old Spice Deodorant.
"Dude that chick was totally checking you out."
"What can I say? Matterhorn."
"You smell good. What deodorant are you using?"
"Matterhorn."
GIRL: "Want to exchange numbers?"
GUY: *turns to friend and whispers "Matterhorn."
The Matterhorn - slang
The act of sitting between the legs of someone behind you. As if on the Disneyland ride of the same name.
The group of baseball players needed to matterhorn to fit everyone on the broken bench.
The Matterhorn
The Matterhorn, also known as Matterhorn Bobsleds, is a pair of intertwined roller coasters at Disneyland Park in in Anaheim, California. It is modeled after the Matterhorn, a mountain in the Swiss Alps. It is the first known tubular steel continuous-track roller coaster. Disney used forced perspective to make the mountain appear larger than it actually is. Opening on June 14, 1959, it was the first roller coaster built at any Disneyland Park. The ride has 2 sides, the left side (the Tomorrowland side), and the right side (the Fantasyland side). It is said that the Tomorrowland side is more intense and fast and the Fantasyland side is more smooth at tame. In 1978, to better theme the ride, Disney introduced the Yeti (or Abominable Snowman) to the ride where he appears first in the dark after the riders leave the lifthill, then a few seconds later he can be seen by both sides as the bobsleds enter the main track. Later on they encounter him one last time but can only be seen by the specific side they're on. In 2015, the Matterhorn was temporarily shut down and a new Yeti was introduced to the ride, this one moving a lot more than the previous and being more territorial and defensive and having a different roar than the last. The ride ends as the sleds splash down into a small pool similar to Splash Mountain, but the water is mainly used as a braking mechanism, and cools down the brake pads mounted underneath the cars.
In 1956, 2 years before construction for the Matterhorn began, Disney was in a pinch for he was having trouble attracting guests to the park so he thought he needed a thrilling ride in the park. At the time, Disney was shooting a movie called "Third Man on the Mountain" in Switzerland where the real Matterhorn is, and Disney sent a postcard with a picture of the mountain to his lead imagineer with only 2 words saying: "Build This".
The Matterhorn
A crap that sticks half out of the toilet water, the way the Matterhorn's tip appears when it's pierces through high cloud cover.
My Thanksgiving shit was sticking out of the toilet so far it looked like the Matterhorn on a cloudy day.
The Matterhorn
Sexual act in which male rides female down a flight of stairs while holding onto her hair.
Guy 1: "Hey Jimmy, do you remember when you Matterhorned that girl last year?"
Guy 2: "Yeah, it was totes awesome. She was hard to steer. Wish she took the curves better."