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What is Koontz?
another name for yr poonanny, your vag, yr cunt ...
alternately
to be used in place of calling someone a cunt.
i kicked him in the balls, so he kicked me in my dean koontz
OR
my mom is quite a dean koontz
Koontz - meme gif
Koontz - video
Koontz - what is it?
1. An ultraconservative, hack bestselling author with no discernible writing skills whatsoever, read (and defended) by semi-literate Neanderthals who consider his tripe "real good writin'." Books are characterized by stilted dialogue, senseless plotting, intrusive author's voice, messy tone, surface characterization, tired genre tropes, laugh out loud resolutions, and metaphors so sloppy they would make a six-year-old roll her eyes.
Read by your grandmother, your weird uncle, a couple of your friends and that slutty, weird girl you knew in high school and/or college. Also: read by people who wouldn't know real literature if a copy of "The Great Gatsby" fell out of the sky and knocked them unconscious.
2. Author whose best fortune came when a man named "Koontz" banged his mama, bestowing him with the name "Koontz," ensuring he would be shelved next to "King," a much superior writer in every sense of the word.
Dean: "I picked up a new Dean Koontz today at Walgreens for 50% off."
Steve: "My god! You didn't read it, did you?"
Dean: "Yes, and now I've got severe brain damage."
Steve: "I see your brains are spilling out of your ears. Let's get you to the ER."
Dean: "Yes, thank you. I promise not to read any more Dean Koontz books."
Steve: "Thank you. I will hold you to that."
What does "Koontz" mean?
A well known author read mostly by an older, more seasoned demographic. Koontz is defined by a descriptive, fluid and mature writing style and storylines that fall far outside the mainstream into what many times can be considered almost indescribable in their uniqueness. Koontz has tackled a wide array of subjects from mind control and behavioral modification (The Door to December) to sociopathic serial killers (Intensity) to the truly supernatural (Tick Tock, Darkfall). Often times disrespected by young pricks that have never read two words of one of his novels because they prefer to act smart by talking about Stephen King when in reality they've never read two words of one of his novels, either. Dean Koontz will never gain the mainstream press and praise of most other well known writers, but he has been in the game for a long time and has a very big fan base devoted to his finely crafted works of fiction.
Zach: "Hey man. I just finished this Dean Koontz book called The Servants of Twilight, it was pretty rad."
Jaccob: "Dude, Koontz fuckin' sucks cock. Stephen King is way better. I saw some of IT on tv last night. Man, that guy's a great writer."
Zach: "You're gonna die in your fuckin' sleep tonight."
Jaccob: "What?!"
Koontz - what does it mean?
-transitive verb
The act of simultaneously taking offense, complaining, and arguing aggressively about subjects that have little to no consequence on real life affairs. "Koontzing out" will continue whether attention is given or not, effects multiplied astronomically when mixed with alcohol.
"Dude, you hit my Macbook, with a packet of fire sauce that did absolutely no damage, do you know how much this thing co--"
"Dude. Dude. DUDE. You're Koontzing out right now. Stop. Stop. HEY. STOP." *leaves room*
Koontz - meaning
An american author best known for suspense thrillers, often including the supernatural. His prose is excellent, and his plots are often original, however his books are characterized by flat characters and unrealistically neat endings. They often have extremely heavy christian overtones, with static, exaggerated characters, making the books incident driven instead of character driven. Dean Koontz writes about five or six boks a year, and so due to this rapid production speed his books often feature very similar heroes/villains/endings/themes/dogs/settings.
Person1: Guess which Dean Koontz book I am thinking of.
Person2: Give me a clue.
Person1: It has a heroic dog in it.
Person2: That narrows it down to about thirty books.
Person1: Okay, this one has a strong, beautiful, determined female with a gentle, more sensitive male counterpart.
Person2: Forty books.
Person1: This one has an evil, corrupt, sadistic, deviant atheist as the villain, who has a god complex, likes raping people, and has a weird hobby for no reason whatsoever.
Person2: Fifty books.
Person1: Alright, now I'm thinking of one where the hero is a humble, loving, heroic, caring, clean-living christian with high moral standards and a dislike of evolution science and anything psychologically explaining the abstract concept of 'evil'.
Person2: Forty books.
Person1: This one has a too-neat ending where the evil side is totally destroyed and the good guys all live happily ever after with faith and love in some american-apple-pie family situation.
Person2: Fifty books.
Person1: The christian overtones are so heavy that it feels like he is beating me around the head with his bible and shouting in my ear.
Person2: Seventy books.
Person1: It's really really good.
Person2: (looks blank)
Koontz - definition
when a female or males gentials smell so bad u just wanna throw up....they have crusted infected dried cum n piss all over themsleves n what they ate is having a affexct on the odour of such departmet
"man i was eating out shelly n i almost koontz i mean that was dirty she had all yeast infection"
"johhny makes me koontz he tried to make me suck his shwang"
Koontz - slang
Scott is a koontz.
Koontz
The act of ejaculation.
"I was banging this chick the other night, and she totally let me Koontz on her face!"
Koontz
A term meant for a person who is a well accomplished sniper in the marine corps. Their uncle was shot down in a helicopter. They speak 4 different languages-English, German, Russian, and bullshit. (primarily bullshit)
They are direct descendants of Adolf Hitler, a man who had no children. They are so dedicated to the bullshit they speak, they would gun down anyone who stood in their way. They know how to assemble a nuclear submarine blindfolded, yet cannot identify the location of a carburetor on a vehicle. To be a proper Koontz, you must have undergone extensive marine sniper training in Fort Bragg, Oklahoma. You say there is no Fort Bragg in Oklahoma? That's how top secret it is.
Koontzes have been shot in the chest multiple times with a 30 ought 6 rifle. You also own a .17 caliber rifle. A .44 magnum round tickles, yet when a dog jumps on your knee, you are crippled for at least a week.
To be a Koontz is to be a god.
Koontz tore down the Berlin Wall.
Koontz won World WarII. The bomb from the Enola Gay failed to drop, so Koontz carried the bomb in on his back, then detonated it, living to tell the tale.
Koontz
An alcoholic beverage consisting of brandy, burban, gin, vodka, tequila, and kahlúa.
Man we had the best koontz last night.