My heart feels like it's almost empty. I feel like I am about to go back to my old self before I met you, maybe worse
Before:

– I didn't write.
– I barely had those desires. If the scale is from 0 to 10, then I'd say my desire was 1.
– I couldn't imagine.
Many more but those are key points.

I think you could see the difference in my writing now. It's a mess. I'm unable to express like I used to. There aren't much passion & desire left in me, even pain – it was countless – now it comes and goes. I cried so much before but nothing happened. You weren't there to wipe those tears away or to pat on my shoulder & say "don't cry". I was all alone, by myself. Why did all this happen? Even though there was pain, but I felt loved by you. I was certain about your love back then. I saw you turned around & looked at me. I saw you paid attention to my profile picture (tree, branches). I saw you walked through that door after I messaged you on that app (the app that you denied your identity - why?)

But now.. I am not certain about your love anymore. I told you I can't have those feelings, imagination, or at least be able to clearly express my feelings in writing if I'm not loved. That electrified feeling, euphoria I felt when I was so in love just slowly fades away, leaving me hollowness in my heart and mind. I do my work automatically, just like you. There is no passion. You never gave me your hand.

There are a lot to say but I am unable to express my feelings. It's undefined.
My almost empty heart.

My emptiness
01/27/2022 @ 9:28 p.m.
by The Gardener in Fairy Tales January 27, 2022

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