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What is cohort family?
A group of friends you quarantine with during a pandemic so you can keep drinking and taking shots together instead of through video. It is proven that peer pressure to drink does indeed transfer through the internet, but feelings of togetherness while holding another girl's hair as she vomits or putting a pillow by the toilet for your friend can only be experienced in person.
The term was coined by Alberta's Chief Medical Officer during her daily Covid 19 Pandemic updates in the early 20's. Alberta is basically the Texas of Canada. Those updates eventually coalesced into Alberta's bible and the Medical Officer into Alberta's Jesus who "saved" Alberta and later performed baptisms.
"I miss taking shots with you guys so much!"
"OMG! Why don't you become my cohort family?"
"Yeeahh, then we can buy big bottles of tequila at a time instead of small lonely ones. Lol"