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What is The Kraken?
A mythical sea beast that lived 250 years ago. He's a massive monster with tentacles, big bug eyes, multicolored skin, and a retarded wiggley smile. The absolute worst of the worst, just fucking rude, smug, good for nothing, worthless punk ass bitch. Straight up needs to see a plastic surgeon because no living creature should have such a fucked up wiggley smile. Nothing more than a shit eating, friend stealing, back stabbing, lying, cheating, sailor killing, boat tipping, fucking tentacle having freak who should get the fuck out of the ocean because every single living soul in the world despises him. Literally the dirt under your shoes that is so repulsive it makes you want to rip out your eyes and donate them to a blind person, only to kill that blind person because that shit was so down right gross, just fucking raunchy. The most ugly, white trash, baby stealing, shit eating mother fucker, just fucking sitting around all day smiling. Straight trash.
"The kraken killed every single person I know because it knew a guy who knew me. He burned my house down too."
"Yo man, I'm sorry to hear about that. I heard one time the kraken sold crack to a school of cancer patients and then blew up a church and burned down all the forests on the east coast."
"Motha fuckin jam!"
The Kraken - video
The Kraken - what is it?
A spiced rum that gives the drinker false confidence in their abilities. They will start with the rum and continue to consume various alcoholic beverages until they are forced to succumb to the darkness that is the Kraken. Few have experienced the nightmare and survived to tell the tale.
WARNING: excessive use may lead to, but not limited to one of the following results... laughing, crying, dry heaves, stumbling, slurring, quickly sitting down, laying down, falling down, violently falling down, vomiting, black outs, black heads, black people, nightmares, night terrors, bad dreams, weird dreams, wet dreams, no dreams, unwanted spooning with members of both sexes, lowered self esteem, or an unprecedented over confidence surpassed by none that will eventually lead to your demise in a foolish and regrettable way. (for other potential symptoms see "Black the fuck out")
...always worth it.
(Jim enters casually): Oh hey there!
Dean: Hello to you good sir, to what do I owe the pleasure?
Jim: I bought us a bottle of Kraken...
(Dean spits out his drink): You what?! You FOOL!!!
Jim: what? I didn't know... we can just take it back...
Dean: No, no you f*ckin' can't. Now man up and prepare to die...
What does "The Kraken" mean?
A gigantic squid-like creature that attacks the ships of any mortal foolish enough to wander into its domain. It originated in Norse mythology, but has become sailing lore and a unique aspect of popular culture regarding sailing ships.
Below the thunders of the upper deep,
Far, far beneath in the abysmal sea,
His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep
The Kraken sleepeth: faintest sunlights flee
About his shadowy sides; above him swell
Huge sponges of millennial growth and height;
And far away into the sickly light,
From many a wondrous grot and secret cell
Unnumbered and enormous polypi
Winnow with giant arms the slumbering green.
There hath he lain for ages, and will lie
Battening upon huge sea worms in his sleep,
Until the latter fire shall heat the deep;
Then once by man and angels to be seen,
In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die.
The Kraken - what does it mean?
The Kraken is, specifically speaking, supposed to be a sea monster with no distinctive traits. However, it has become fixed with the image of a big, bad-ass squid that fucks up everything whenever it appears.
You may recognize the Kraken from such things as:
1) Video games - Final Fantasy, Golden Sun, etc.
2) Literature - 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, The Kraken, etc.
3) Movies - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, Clash of the Titans, etc.
And much more. All you need to know is that the Kraken is badass and it will own asses whenever it appears.
1) I was playing Golden Sun on my GameBoy Advance and I was making good progress when the Kraken appeared and repeatedly kicked my ass.
2) I read Michael Crichton's Sphere, which features the Kraken. Needless to say, the Kraken opened a huge can of whoop ass on the characters.
The Kraken - meaning
A sex move when an individual sticks their head in the asshole of a female and their feet in the vagina and jiggle their arms around while making a muffled screeching noise.
Man 1: Yo bro my girl is hella dead from last night.
Man 2: Why?
Man 1: I realeased the kraken.
Man 2: Holy shit, I need to try it.
The Kraken - definition
The Kraken is a term for a very huge shit that rips your asshole and makes it bleed.
Hey Lennon , i shat out The Kraken yesterday.
Oh cool, how big was it.
about 12 inches and 10cm wide.
The Kraken - slang
Andrew H. Leitao's penis. while abnormally large in size and girth, it unfortunately does not live in the ocean and destroy ships for davy jones. it is in his pants and destroys vaginas. see also mandingo
" when andy has nekkid time, he unleashes The Kraken". or is also stated to unwilling bed time victims, but only in a liam neeson voice.
The Kraken
When you take a girl (or boy whatever the fuck you're into) into a restroom of a bar or club. You go into the stall to have sex. Have your partner face the toilet. While your partner is orgasming dunk their head into the toilet and flush it, whilst saying RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!! Invented by the band Looking Glass. And you wonder why Brandi was so popular.
Best results with used or unflushed toilet.
-MJB & JO
Dude I was so drunk last night I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom. There was this girl with a skirt and no panties puking into the toilet. So I helped her out and gave her the Kraken. That sobered her up a bit.
The Kraken
A nickname for the repulsive ass of one of your particularly large friends. Just pray you never see the eye. Nobody has ever seen its eye and lived to tell the tale.
Dude, put your pants back on, i don't want to sit here and look at The Kraken.
The Kraken
The Kraken is a popular term for weird physics glitches in video games, it appears in Kerbal space program most often, but may appear in other games.
"Spinning Jebediah at 1000 km/h summoned The Kraken!"