Definder - what does the word mean?

What is I went to Amsterdam without you?

This term is used when you are secretly gay and went with your "girlfriend" to Amsterdam. In this trip you are very sad because you are also in love with your supposed "mortal enemy", so in your time in Amsterdam with your girlfriend you were thinking about your "mortal enemy". This is a sad term.

Louis(via Always You): "I went to Amsterdam without you and all I could do is think about you💚💙"

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I went to Amsterdam without you - video