The most bad ass of all gods. Represents all that is powerful, lightning, crushing people, victory, and swag. Zeus is patron god of seniors and almighty protector of Lance Armstrong.
In Greek Mythology, Zeus was the god of gods. Well-known for controlling thunder & lightning, wearing a white robe and boasting a thick grey beard, kinda like my image of God.
The act of going to a golf course (or any other large open field with relatively even elevation) during a thunderstorm butt-naked and lying flat with your back to the ground while having a long metal rod inserted into your urethra in the hopes that a lightning strike will connect with the conductive metal rod, and to your penis.
man 1:
"Did you hear? Uncle Trevor is dead.."
man 2:
"No what happened?!"
man 1:
"The crazy old man tried giving himself a "Zeus"! Paramedics said there was almost nothing left of him.."
man 2:
"Damn... thats one hell of a way to go..."
He is the worst god of them all. Suffers from bipolar disorder and many more unnamed mental illnesses. Tends to throw thunderbolts in tantrum state. Is a hypocrite. Is a chronic womanizer, despite marriage to Queen Hera. Must be dethroned as a king. Must be stripped from his title as 'god of justice and law'. Must be killed at sight.
Beware: Most people he dates tend to have horrible fate.
Cronussired several children by Rhea: Hestia, Demeter, Hera, Hades, and Poseidon, but swallowed them all as soon as they were born, since he had learned from Gaia and Uranus that he was destined to be overcome by his own son as he had overthrown his own fatherβ an oracle that Zeus was to hear and avert. But when Zeus was about to be born, Rhea sought Gaia to devise a plan to save him, so that Cronus would get his retribution for his acts against Uranus and his own children. Rhea gave birth to Zeus in Crete, handing Cronus a rock wrapped in swaddling clothes, which he promptly swallowed.
Rhea hid Zeus in a cave on Mount Ida in Crete. According to varying versions of the story:
He was then raised by Gaia.
He was raised by a goat named Amalthea, while a company of Kouretesβ soldiers, or smaller godsβ danced, shouted and clashed their spears against their shields so that Cronus would not hear the baby's cry. He was raised by a nymph named Adamanthea. Since Cronus ruled over the Earth, the heavens and the sea, she hid him by dangling him on a rope from a tree so he was suspended between earth, sea and sky and thus, invisible to his father.
He was raised by a nymph named Cynosura. In gratitude, Zeus placed her among the stars.
He was raised by Melissa, who nursed him with goat's-milk and honey.
He was raised by a shepherd family under the promise that their sheep would be saved from wolves.
Greek God of Thunder. He also happens to be a hoe as he has no problem banging the shit out of his sisters, daughters, mortals, creatures, and even a man.