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What is The Woodlands?
John: Hey honey, do you wanna move to The Woodlands?
Sally: Hey fuckface, do you want our daughter to be a blonde clone of every fucking person in The Woodlands? Do you want our son to be a pothead/alcoholic? Do you wanna get a divorce?
John: Good point, maybe we shouldn't
Sally: No shit
The Woodlands - video
The Woodlands - what is it?
A town north of Houston with the assiest people around. Stuck up snobs they are but with an awesome reputation in EVERYTHING! I don\'t know whether to be proud or embarassed.
Big house, expensive house, fake boys, fake girls, best schools
What does "The Woodlands" mean?
The town north of Houston with a population just under 100,000 where about 10% of the population is poor or middle class, and the rest are...not. It is a town where people are supposed to cherish the environment through several programs and the environmentally friendly layout of the town, yet many residents own/are involved with oil companies. It is a town where all parents talk about what a "family-friendly community" it is, while their kids smoke crack and have an orgy in the backyard because they're too busy going to yoga classes to notice. It is a town where The John Cooper School is located...the well-known private school where most students get a sports car for their 16th birthday (not an exaggeration), and some millionaires are considered poor. It is a town where in the PUBLIC SCHOOLS, a kid driving a 2003 BMW is considered poor. It is a town where the first ad you see in the local magazine is either Gucci, Lamborghini, or Rolex. It is a town where, when in an aircraft, one might mistake a neighborhood for an unusually close group of Walmarts. It is a town where most residents under the age of 8 don't know what a Walmart is. It is a town where a 10-year-old without an iPhone is an outcast. It is a town where despite a "love of the environment", the plant people tend to love the most there is weed. It is a town where that is the only kind of weed people are aware of, because they all have gardeners.
Joe: My cousin lives in The Woodlands.
Josh: Does he have a ferrari?
Joe: He got one for his birthday, along with a helicopter.
The Woodlands - what does it mean?
The Woodlands is a cookie cutter town straight out of a suburbia catalogue. Unfortunately, there is no idividuality in the two high schools. Its pretty much a party hard or die a horrible bloody social death type of town, with absolutely nothing to do. Most people think this is the ideal place to raise their kids, but I dont find it cute to see my six year old brother come home from school singing about apple bottom jeans and dropping the f-bomb.
The Woodlands senior slogan: get me outta here. NOW.
The Woodlands - meaning
The woodlands, a place outside of Houston. Yet everyone who lives in TW loves to claim they from houston, slapping “houston” in their bio, along with the grape emoji, gas, red random Chinese letter emojis. The woodlands is where white people dominant the population. Here you will find many sluts, who will happily fuck your boyfriend with no remorse. The woodlands has the shittiest football team, and every guy from here will basically rape u at a party. All of them are subtly racist, but they continue to hang with black & mexicans. You can find 90% of the white people saying “nigga” to blend in with their black friends. They all claim they are gang, yet half of them haven’t shot a gun. Throw them in southeast Houston and they will come back deceased. Girls spread their legs faster than melted butter on bread. Guys will stick their dick in anything that walks. Girls here have shit makeup, and slutty clothes. All the guys here claim to have a huge dick and great sex game, but I found out personally that they have 4 inchers and bust in 2 seconds. The girls have the loosest pussys. Basically, don’t even come to the woodlands unless you’re white and rich. Save yourself from this white washed place and go to houston.
Jack: Hey, I’m from the woodlands
Zach: oh the whitest place near Houston?
Jack: Hell yeah!
The Woodlands - definition
The least ghetto town in the world, The Woodlands is home to the #1 snobbiest high school in the United States, as named by Larry King himself. Despised throughout Texas for our superiority in everything except academics because the student population is mostly stoned off of their ass (all the time).
You know you live in the Woodlands when you:
Don't care about seeing Porche's anymore
Drop a quarter and don't bother picking it up
Complain about getting an '04 BMW instead of the '05 Benz that you wanted.
The Woodlands - slang
I have read almost all of the posts about this place where I have lived my entire life. So here are some corrections to your "knowledge" about my home:
1. I'm not blond haired and blue eyed, and neither is at least 60% of the girls her.
2. We are not all stoned, all the time. Just because we have money doesn't mean we use drugs, although some do.
3. We have amazing achievements academically, people need to stop saying otherwise.
4. Most teenagers do not have brand new BMWs like some think, just because our parents do doesn't mean they will waste it on us.
5. Car accidents and deaths are NOT the norm, and it is very sad when that occurs.
6. Very few families own two houses. Once again, JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE MONEY DOESN'T MEAN WE JUST THROW IT AROUND WITHOUT EVEN CONSIDERING IT!!!!!!
7. People don't always cheat on there boyfriend/girlfriend and spread rumors and secrets.
8. Most high schoolers are fairly nice and hard working.
Those are just a few responses to the many people who hate the woodlands for no reason. I actually do want to leave this place once I graduate high school, but I don't hate it like people who don't know what they are talking about seem to.
Out of towner:"Everyone student in The Woodlands High School drives BMWs"
Student: "Um... I have a '97 Honda Civic, that I saved up to buy."
Out of towner: "Why? You live in The Woodlands."
Student: " THAT DOESN'T MEAN I GET EVERYTHING I WANT!!!"
The Woodlands
The Woodlands is the most stereotyped and labeled school and community of the Northern-Houston area. It is a very wealthy community with a lot of talent and academic skills. Yes, a lot of people are snobby. NO, not "EVERYONE" has the newest BMW or Benz; yes, there are a few people that do, but the majority have normal cars.
Drugs are definitely not ruining all of the students' minds and we most certainly DO NOT have the lowest test scores in the state of Texas. In fact, it is a TOTAL bitch to get into the top 10 percent of your graduating class, even if you're one of the smarter kids in your class. There are countless Advanced Placement (AP) courses available, and there are ALOT of people enrolled in them.
Yes, we do win at pretty much everything. We have been ranked THE top athletic program in the nation in 2009, and have stayed up there since, and most of our teams pretty much kick everyone's asses in the surrounding area. The football team could definitely beat some college teams. Each football game draws an insanely high amount. The top junior diver in the world attends here. The band program probably gets more money than ANY other program in the school-- the marching band is consistently one of the top marching 5 bands in the county.. the top concert band is about just as good as some professional orchestras.
Like I said, people just stereotype us a lot. We may beat everyone at a lot of things, but we certainly work our ASSES OFF to do these things.
*at some social gathering*
kid: "Hey, I'm from Klein Oak, where do you go?"
woodlands kid: "the woodlands."
kid: *looks disgusted, acts jealous, walks away*
The Woodlands
Planned community north of Houston with strict homeowner guidelines assuring your neighbor won't paint their home purple, or pink, or some other whacko color. The residents pay LOTS of taxes to ensure it stays nice... with trees. Houston is one of the ugliest cities in America. The Woodlands is where those who care ... and can... escape from Houston. Lots of money but lots of driven people who work hard to earn their lifestyles. Ghetto? Not even close. Kids everywhere, upscale retail, fine dining, excellent public school system and a great selection of private schools from which to choose. What's not to like?
The Woodlands - Planned community north of Houston with strict homeowner guidelines.
The Woodlands
Middle Class Burb that thinks a leased BMW 3 series, and a fat mortgage on a 300k tract home makes you rich.
The Woodlands is the land of the 80k a year millionaire.